When Independence Feels Forgotten

This past weekend, I attended Postpartum Support International’s annual conference in New Orleans. I booked my trip months ago and felt an almost giddy excitement about the idea of a weekend alone.

No whining kids.
No meals to cook.
Nobody to take care of but myself.
A room and bed entirely to myself.

I couldn’t wait.

But as the week of the trip approached, an unexpected nervousness crept in. I realized I had never taken an Uber from the airport alone. Would I know what to do?

This caught me off guard. Years ago, I lived in a big city by myself. I’ve traveled to Europe alone. Independence has always been part of me. So why now, as a mom in midlife, did traveling solo suddenly feel unfamiliar and intimidating?

Had I forgotten who I was?

Not exactly. This wasn’t about the kind of identity loss I sometimes see in clients—the trap of “losing yourself” in a relationship or solely defining yourself through motherhood. (For anyone vulnerable to that pattern, I often recommend the book Loving Him Without Losing You by Beverly Engel.)

This felt different.

It was as though my independence had quietly slipped into the background of daily life. The constant demands of caregiving, work, and family had left me out of practice in relying solely on myself. My competence hadn’t disappeared—it had just been buried under years of taking care of everyone else.

And as I discovered in conversations with other women at the conference, I wasn’t alone. Many of us laughed about how thrilled we were to leave our kids behind, only to admit that traveling solo felt strangely unsettling.

The truth is, when we don’t spend time alone, we forget what it feels like to move through the world on our own terms. We forget the rhythm of our own thoughts, the ease of making choices without consulting anyone else, the confidence of knowing we can navigate life independently.

That’s why intentional alone time matters.

I’m not talking about folding laundry in peace or sneaking out for a yoga class with a friend. I mean true solitude—time to be fully with yourself. A walk around the block without headphones. A weekend away. Even just an afternoon in a café with a journal and no agenda.

These moments reconnect us to ourselves. They remind us of the independence that never truly leaves us, even if it sometimes feels forgotten.

So ask yourself: when was the last time you spent meaningful time alone? What small step could you take this week to reclaim that independence?

Because the more we practice, the more natural it feels—and the more grounded, capable, and whole we become.

✨ If you’d like more guidance on carving out intentional time for yourself and redefining what real self-care looks like, check out my Empowered Motherhood course, which offers practical tools and support.