Real Self-Care Isn’t a Bubble Bath: It’s a Lifelong Practice
When I talk to clients or speak in workshops about self-care, one of the most common things I hear is, “I try, but I don’t really have time.” When I ask women to define self-care activities, bubble baths, massages, and spa days are always on the list.
Let’s set the record straight:
Those things are great, but they are not the foundations of real self-care.
In her powerful book, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included), psychiatrist Dr. Pooja Lakshmin calls out this very misconception. She explains how mainstream wellness culture has sold us a version of self-care that’s performative, commercialized, and ultimately inaccessible for many people.
Real self-care, she says, is not about doing something that looks good on Instagram—it's about deciding to live in alignment with your values and needs.
This message deeply resonates with what I believe and teach in my work: that self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.
I guide women—especially mothers—through the ongoing process of discovering what real self-care looks like for them.
And here’s the truth: Real self-care isn’t a one-time fix or a special-occasion indulgence. It’s a journey. A lifelong practice of returning to yourself, over and over again.
Why We Get Self-Care Wrong
Our culture tells us that self-care is about bubble baths, candles, and a quiet hour away from our kids or job. And while those things can be soothing, they are often a temporary escape from stress, not a long-term solution.
Real self-care is about tending to your inner world in small, meaningful ways—especially on the hard days.
It’s about:
- Saying no when you’re overcommitted.
- Taking a few deep breaths between meetings or after school drop-off.
- Giving yourself permission to rest.
- Checking in with your body before checking your inbox.
- Honoring your own emotions, even when others don’t.
These are the things that help regulate your nervous system and keep you grounded through the ups and downs of everyday life.
Building a Personalized Toolkit
When I work with clients, we focus on building a self-care toolkit filled with quick, accessible strategies that can be done in five minutes or less. Why? Because most of us don’t have time for elaborate routines, but that doesn’t mean we can’t care for ourselves in meaningful ways.
We explore questions like:
- What helps you feel safe in your body?
- What grounds you when everything feels overwhelming?
- What can you actually do during a busy or emotional day?
Your self-care toolkit might include:
- A breathing technique you can do in the car
- A calming playlist for when your energy feels scattered
- A journal prompt that helps you get clarity
- A mantra or affirmation you keep in your notes app
- Stepping outside to feel the sun or put your feet on the earth
These small actions add up. They reconnect you to your center and remind you that you matter.
A Practice, Not a Prescription
What I love most about Real Self-Care is its honesty: There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. The book invites us to dig deep, re-evaluate the stories we’ve internalized, and redefine what care truly means in our own lives.
This is the work I do with my clients—unlearning, reclaiming, and realigning. We look beyond surface-level wellness trends and move toward true nourishment, integrity, and emotional regulation.
So the next time you think, “I should be doing more self-care,” remember:
You don’t need a whole day off or a fancy retreat.
You need something real.
Something doable.
Something that brings you back to you.
Ready to redefine what self-care means for you?
Whether you're feeling overwhelmed, burned out, or simply craving more balance, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Support is available to help you create a self-care plan that fits your real life—grounded, sustainable, and empowering. Schedule a session to get started.
